Because

Over the last weeks, I've been experiencing all sorts of changes and went from seeing life as a lot of pointless things to feeling self-love and stopping looking outside for a sense of "carrying on."

I went from some of the darkest times of my life, in silence, from depression, from not having the will to prepare my own food, from feeling weak in my mind, and from being silently resentful of a lot of people, to actually feeling extremely thankful towards myself, and feeling a lot of purposes that don't come from outside, but from within.

I want this to continue. I want this to be a reminder to myself. To never let go of this feeling. To never let go of this inner fire. I want to look back at this post and remember that life is not pointless and that all of those nihilistic thoughts are a product of my logical mind trying to tell me how tired it is of carrying my will. I want to remember that I am not my rational mind and stop saying: "For what?" and replacing it with "Because."

Depression and all of those dark thoughts can drag anyone down. I want you to know that there's an inner fire. Even when you don't have dreams anymore, you should be able to look at yourself, at the things you do without thinking: "What for?" and instead think: "Because." that's enough.

The more you find yourself answering those questions with "Because.", the more you'll find yourself feeling that inner fire; The world itself will start to look different, and you'll begin to feel a lot more thankful towards yourself, all the things you've done to keep your head high, and all the things you've endured.

It is never enough to say: "I love myself." You have to feel it, and as weird as it is, "Because" is the key to feeling it since you start to justify all you do from who you are, what you feel, what you are, and not from what society, the world, and everyone else expects from you.

My depression has been a rough journey. The lack of purpose has weakened me before. It has rendered me unable to find joy in anything, but that has changed drastically with a simple tweak I found at therapy: "Because."

I encourage anyone who is feeling down, depressed, or just tired of life to try therapy since everyone's journey is unique; however, I also encourage you to try to find your own "Because." that helped me with the lack of purpose and that missing engine, aka "inner fire."

Nihilistic thoughts will always exist, but you can always answer them with "Because." and find a sense of life from within. And that's enough. You don't have to carry the weight of the perceived end of the universe on your shoulders. Stop thinking about what others expect from you, and start considering everything you do.

Another thing that has always helped me is having a continuous improvement routine; I always book myself in challenging activities that require discipline. I always try to learn something new, and I always try to improve myself in some way. And the answer to those things is always "Because.".

I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me, and be aware that this is not a panacea. That's why therapy is necessary. Anyways, since this may resonate with some of you, I'll leave you with a quote from the movie "The Matrix":

"I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it."