Clouds in Sunny Days

So, here you are, pondering about your feelings. Things are out of place, but you find some calm in them and wonder: What's next?

You wake up early, and it looks as if the world has more things going up for you. There is beauty in fixing what is broken. Yet, the world affects you so much: you're hypersensitive, Either because of past trauma, open wounds in your inner world, or just bitterness from a sort of karma.

It would be best to stop looking outside and trying to control the situation around you and become adaptive.

Then you see how your decisions affect others and how you've abandoned them out of fear and bitterness.

You're thankful that a handful of them carry patience for you, but you know you can't keep hurting them or allowing the outer world to hurt you.

You open your inner eyes and realize things aren't perfect. There's beauty in solving social differences and ironing out the pain.

You also try to avoid being taken advantage of; you factor in the fact that some people will not care about their impulsive decisions, including yourself.

You put your angry and bitter version back in its cage. You've worked so hard to outgrow it, but the pain has made it come back at times, and when it's gone, you look behind at the damage it's done, the damage that you've done.

You want to be a force of good and avoid hurting others.

You must stop looking at the outside world; you can't control it. Maybe it'd be better if you just went back to your inner world and cleaned up the mess, factoring in the damage others can do but controlling what's inside you.

As a human, you learn every time. You don't want to hurt others out of your feelings.

Sometimes, people know they're doing wrong and will naturally get away; sometimes, you sense they are pulling away from you, too, just like a natural cycle. It hurts to see them going away, but there are also a lot of lessons learned along the way. You know things aren't ever going to be the same, and that's the nature of the universe; you just have to adapt.

Things can be good once you accept them, accept them as they are, and accept yourself. But acceptance is not just patting yourself on the back and telling yourself everything is perfect; it's actually showering with gold all of the loops of pain and unhealed trauma in hopes of outgrowing yourself.

Sometimes you think you're outgrowing others, sometimes you think you're better than the rest, "so enlightened" when all you're is just being pedantic about the fact that you have invested so many hours into personal growth only to find it's not a competition or a thing of where you are compared to others.

You want to be a better version of yourself, and that's why the fear of hurting others can be so castrating; hell, with enough time, they will even react the same way towards you, avoiding situations that could hurt you just because they know how sensitive you can be.

And being sensitive and respectful of your feelings is a beautiful thing. However, open wounds can make you react incorrectly or be unable to execute your will out of fear.

You see how you've talked about others and how bitter you have unknowingly been. It hurts to see, in retrospect, all of that coming from you. You need to get away from that, not by suppressing it but rather by developing tools to deal with the universe.

The universe is endless, full of opportunities and miracles, but it also hosts snakes and hunger. For that, you have to keep going and look at the journey of your life with awe. In the end, you have to stop being so focused on the material, on the bad stuff, on the competition and the outcome, for all of the horrors of this world come from result-driven thinking, not caring about what is left behind.

When we look behind, there are so many gems, too, so many good things, and sometimes, the clouds can make you think there's nothing good about your past, and hence, you feel victimized about your world; definitely not a good outlook for you.

In other words, feel free to grow, accept the world as it is, and accept others as they are. Don't just surrender; learn to say no, especially to yourself.

Walking away from everything was such a compelling idea. You thought there was a regional component to it, a "people" component, but you already visited different circles and found yourself repeating patterns and choices.

As big as the world is, and as big as the city is, the worst people will complain about the city and its vices but never do anything to improve it; neither walk away.

The world is your calling, and the outside is your calling; you feel like losing time and losing yourself to the cave.

Walk, learn, grow, don't hurt others, and watch your mouth and what comes out of you. You may not see it, and you don't have to hide or mask who you are, but you may find yourself bitter and lonely out of grief.